As I sit in my office, (yes in my office at work, not at home!), I was struck again by a sense of feeling “not qualified”…a moment of being attacked by the ugly and sometimes debilitating ‘imposter syndrome’ which again is leaving me feeling like I need to do more. For many Black professionals, these feelings may look like ‘imposter syndrome’, but in all actuality they are symptoms from the systemic and institutionalized racism that they are experiencing…we should not confuse the two. I have experienced this as well, and have either left jobs or have been let go from jobs where racism was a huge culprit. For more information on this, check out this article: https://hbr.org/2021/02/stop-telling-women-they-have-imposter-syndrome. For this reflective note, it doesn’t matter too much which terms people want to use to describe these feelings, this is really a reflection on what I am feeling, and what I’m doing to address it.
Sometimes I do feel in so many ways my non-traditional path to where I am now, somehow leaves me not as capable as my peers. Grrrrrrrrr…my feelings of inadequacies can really shut me down…sometimes even bringing me to tears. Many who know me, may see my drive, ambition, determination and subsequent successes…but behind all of that I’m fighting to feel worthy and proficient. So the external manifestations you see may be defense mechanisms, part of my survival in this professional life I lead. I’m working on this. Daily.
When I am experiencing these feelings, I try to re-center. I also have to take a few minutes to check my thoughts, primarily the negative thinking. I will take stock of my road to where I am, pat myself on the back, and remind myself that I am where I am supposed to be, and I have the skills do what I need to do, even if that means asking for help/support. Anyone who has been a trailblazer, first generation college student, have been given opportunities they didn’t necessarily ask for AND may be from a BIPOC or other under-served group, will probably have experienced these feelings. Sometimes it’s a lonely road when you’re the first in your family to do something. Sometimes it feels like why me, I didn’t ask for all of this, especially when you get hit with the feelings of inadequacies. It’s scary, and to this day, I get scared. BUT I also have support. That is KEY for any of us to do our work. My husband has been amazing, and so have my Sister-Friends. Spending time away from all of this is also critical for me to regain my strength to keep going. VACATION/PTO days are a must. I’m talking about self-care.
I also have to re-center in my faith. I say this because I KNOW I possess God-given talents/gifts, and daily I do my best to be obedient and share these with all I come in contact with. I also desire to honor my elders and ancestors, and my passion for empowering, advocating and uplifting Black children and families comes from that. Ultimately, this is what it’s all about for ME. Doing what God put me here to do. You’ll have to find that for yourself. It’s going to be important to keep you going, no matter your faith, religion, beliefs, etc.
The one other thing I would encourage is therapy, and of course I would be encouraging therapy, of course!
For some more info on imposter syndrome, check out this video and articles: (1) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQUxL4Jm1Lo; (2) https://www.verywellmind.com/imposter-syndrome-and-social-anxiety-disorder-4156469; (3) https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/imposter-syndrome
-Dr. Bree
Bree E. Cook, PsyD 